…but it’s worth it.
Thursday, August 7th, 2008 | Uncategorized | 1 Comment
That’s what I heard after every question I asked about giving birth and raising a newborn. I would ask, “how bad does it hurt?” and the vague answer would inevitably be followed by “but its worth it.” As I was soaking my burning and swollen self in the tub last night, I was sobbingly telling Chris that I had no idea how hard the recovery would be and how much I would be frustrated and pained by all of my recovery symptoms. I feel like the truth about all this was kept secret from me and replaced with things mothers think they should say. Except for my mom, who basically told me exactly how it would go, I just thought I already knew everything and didn’t believe her….Hi, mom! 🙂 Maybe I’m just a big fat complainer or super selfish, but this recovery totally sucks and the fact that it is actually worth it does not seem to help. I feel like if I would have been realistically prepared for what physical recovery was like, then I may be coping a little better. The recovery and the sweet little baby are two totally separate thoughts in my mind. Of course, if someone said they could take my pain away, but I couldn’t have my baby…I would clearly take the pain because my baby is definitely one of the cutest, sweetest, and best little boys ever on earth. I’m just sayin’. But just because it’s worth it does not mean the recovery is any easier.
I don’t want to be the kind of mother that ends up saying things that I don’t mean because I think the social pressures to give up everything (including your right to complain when something hurts) for their child will get me. I am determined to find the balance between remaining true to myself and my own needs, while at the same time making sure that my baby is taken total care of and receives the most love my husband and I can give him…and then a little more. I don’t think its fair (or healthy) to pressure women into feeling like they have to choose between themselves and their children. Don’t even get me started on how men don’t have to do that….I still have my combat boots in the back of the closet…….
Sagging Water Balloon…
Thursday, August 7th, 2008 | Uncategorized | 2 Comments
Just in case anyone who hasn’t given birth was wondering…that’s what an empty belly looks like. How strange it is to have your organs resettling into place.
Live from the Milk Factory…
Wednesday, August 6th, 2008 | Uncategorized | 3 Comments
I was VERY skeptical about breastfeeding. Mostly because I don’t like the cult-like characteristics of some pro-breastfeeding groups and the guilt-pushing they do on mom’s who choose formula feeding. I felt guilted into breastfeeding, but ultimately decided that I would give it a try with no promises. I read some things about it and truly do believe that is can be healthier than formula, but I really also feel like formula is a fine choice as well.
I decided that if I was gonna do it, I was going to start out right. I told our delivery nurse, or delivery angel as they should be called, (Donna @ Athens regional) that I wanted skin-on-skin time with the baby as soon as possible after delivery and that I wanted to see if I could breast feed right away. We did that, and it was amazing how the baby new exactly what to do.
On top of all of the hard selling people can do about breast feeding, they also throw a lot of horror stories about it at you, too. Some women can’t do it, it can be extremely frustrating, you can become engorged, etc. It was not as painful as I thought it would be, just a little pinching at first, and he latched on immediately. I found that I was enjoying it a little more each time and really started to surprise myself. Once the milk came in (ahead of schedule), my worries about not having enough and not knowing if he was getting enough food were totally alleviated. Not only do I feed him for about 25 minutes on average every 2 1/2 to 3 1/2 hours, I have been pumping an extra 3-5 ounces each day and am starting to develop quite a stock in our freezer.
I know women who have had serious difficulty with breastfeeding and I can see now how that can be heart-breaking. I feel a lot of empathy for them and really lucky myself for being able to not only feed my baby, but have extra for later, so that I am able to breastfeed longer.
Yet another thing about motherhood I did not expect and was not what I thought it would be.
A Week In…
Wednesday, August 6th, 2008 | Uncategorized | 2 Comments
Well, Jonathan is a week old today and he is still alive!! Whoo hoo!! Is that even a parent milestone? Making it through the first week? It’s been a pretty rough week for me, but luckily I’ve had my mom and husband rising to every occasion to take care of me. They have been totally awesome and I can’t imagine having to do this on my own. My days consist of crying, napping, changing diapers, and feeding. And the same goes for the baby’s day. We’re a lot alike right now.
I heard that the recovery from bursting forth with child could be rough, but that a c-section was much harder. (All males who are queasy and females who are, too, stop reading here) I totally underestimated the recovery process. People told me that I wouldn’t want visitors, and might just want to be left alone in the very beginning, but they didn’t really tell me why. I needed specifics, something more than: “you’ll be tired,” or “you won’t want to see anyone,” or “just wait” (I hate that one). And after struggling through my first week as a new mommy, I have all the specifics that I need. The reasons a recovering woman who just had a baby avoids phone calls, visitors, and cries at the drop of a hat are the following:
1) The “exit ramp” for the baby is swollen, stitched up, burning, bleeding and sore.
2) I have feelings of nothing being like what I thought it would be, things being a lot harder than I thought they would be, and needing to be there 24/7 with the kid. It doesn’t really occur to me to take pain medicine or get a nap unless someone tells me to. And for someone like me who planned the hell out of this pregnancy and prepared like an eagle scout, things not going the way I thought they would is a real bummer.
3) I would cry at the drop of the wine glass. I was so excited to have my first glass of red wine after the baby was born. A few nights ago, I had a glass and was trying to do maybe 7 things at once so I wouldn’t forget them later and I spilled my glass of red wine on the white carpet in our living room. Those of you who know me, will remember that part of the military-style preparation I did was to have our carpets cleaned. So, to see red wine all over them sent me right over the mommy edge. I didn’t even have the baby, my mom did, and I used my tears to wet the dishtowels that cleaned up the wine.
4) Sleep deprivation will only add to the random crying. No one told me this. I am a “if this, then that” person. So, if I know that when I feel like I’m about to cry, I need a nap, I’ll be prepared for that pesky problem with a solution. Now I know. After sleeping for just an hour, I wake up a new person.
5) All the preparations have served me well, and I am undyingly happy that I did it all because it truly has made this week better than it could have been. However, you cannot plan for the unexpected. Like, say when you bring your newborn home from the hospital and wonder, why is it so hot in this house? Then you look at the thermostat and see that it is completely off and not coming back on. Then you notice that the entire back side of your house is without power. So, the husband is off and on the hunt for what could possibly be wrong (for about 3 days). Meanwhile, that night, we are noticing lights and airconditioning flickering as if the power is surging. All night long. So we call the power company, and they can’t find anything. The next day, we call Mr. Sparky, who sends Hector over to evaluate our electrical system. He can’t find anything, either, and all of our circuits and such seem to be in working order. Hector assures us that we don’t have to worry about the house burning down in the night and killing our baby (because that is my number one worry…will the baby die!!) We are still seeing the surges after Mr. Sparky leaves, and Chris determines it must be the aircondition unit because the sparking noises are getting louder. So we call the airconditioning people and they finally come to fix it. To sum up, we gave Mr. Sparky $150 to tell us nothing is wrong and then $230 to the airconditioning people to actually fix it. Then I get our power bill and because its been hotter than hell recently, and the units weren’t even working correctly, that was $345. So I have this new baby, every time I turn my bedroom light on, I can hear sparking power surges, and I’m trying to figure out if I should plug in my breast pump or not!! I switched to batteries.
Every mom I speak to says that you forget all the pain of labor, delivery and recovery because you have this sweet baby that is totally worth it. I think that is only partly true. I do have a sweet baby that is the cutest and I can’t stop looking at him, cuddling him and giving him mommy kisses all over his little face. The pain is totally worth it, that’s the true part. But part of the reason for this blog is so that I can write about the actual truth about labor, delivery, and recovery before the baby puts any more of a cuteness spell on me and I actually do forget. I feel like when you are a pregnant lady and you hear, “Yeah, it hurts, but it’s worth it,” that you’re not really getting the accurate information. I was not prepared for the pain of delivery, and I certainly wasn’t prepared for the current recovery issues I’m having. Hopefully those will be gone soon, because I really am enjoying my new role as Jonathan’s mommy and I want to do it a little faster and better once I’m able.